JOURNAL: Reflections on 2018

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2018 was a year of deep inner growth. Creating a vision for what I want my career and life to look like was an integral part of my year as well. I did this by hitting pause on the mental chatter and getting still. Through that, the foundation was set for everything that is to come. As they say, the day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. So, if you’re going to put in so much work over the span of many months or even years, wouldn’t you want it to go towards exactly what you want out of life, instead of achieving other people’s dreams in vain.

My 2018 involved decluttering my mind, my space, and my schedule. I consolidated my priorities to a bare few, and focused all my energy on those. I prioritized school, family, work, and learning. I took time off from instagram and my new blog to get perfectly clear on where I want my energy flowing, and what I want my life to look like.

fig tree trunkBy doing this I realized that I want to be extremely intentional with everything I do and say. I want everything -even my every breath- to have a clear intention. This had to involve reducing mindlessness to a minimum.

When eating, eating with intention. Thinking of nourishing my body with every bite. When reading, being completely present and taking in every single word, while bringing back the mind when it wonders. Every conversation and every interaction needed to carry an intention from my part: to make the other person feel understood, to sooth somebody’s pain, to share parts of myself with someone else, to make somebody laugh, to transmit knowledge, or to receive it. I failed at this many times, for sure. But discovering that this is something I want to work on daily is one of the most remarkable lessons I have taken with me this year.

2018 was also the year I started meditating in public. Eyes closed and all. I thought it would feel strange, or that I would go through a period of discomfort until I got used to it, but it felt completely natural. I had big pockets of time in between classes, during which I would simply sit cross-legged in the library’s common area or on a bench outside, close my eyes and focus on my breath for 5 to 10 minutes.

As you can see, introspection played a big part of my year, and those were some of the tools and thoughts that helped me do that.

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2019 feels like a year of reaping what we’ve sowed. a year to step up to our power and claim what we want for ourselves. The year to let go of goals, plans or expectations that were placed upon us by someone else but where never our hearts’ calling, and focus completely on creating the life we want for ourselves.

Tomorrow is the last days of the year. I close this chapter feeling very grateful for all the opportunities I experienced this year, the meaningful connections on and off line, the deep friendships that got me through the struggles, and the hope and vision I carry with me for what’s to come.

Writing this review of 2018 has made me realize that I should stop selling myself short. There are a lot of things I’ve told myself weren’t worth doing (one of which has been blogging my thoughts as I am doing right now). But as the words flow through my mind, out my fingertips, and onto the keyboard on this late Sunday night, I can see that the one thing I was missing this year was communicating openly and honestly in order to tap into my inner truth. My voice matters. Your voice matters. Allowing onesself to listen to that inner voice and make it heard is what will get you closer to understanding, not only who you are, but also who you want to be. Here’s to a 2019 filled with sharing who we are a little bit more, and being exactly who we want to be. 

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